15th Falgun, Saturday, 1360 Bengali year (1954 AD).
When I, Chandranani, was ten or eleven years old, my elder brother, Vinod Bihari Soma, became a devotee of Ramakrishna Dev. In the Kathamrit (a five-volume Bengali work by Mahendranath Gupta, which recounts conversations and activities of Sri Sri Ramakrishna Dev), my elder brother's picture is included.. My grandmother and others were afraid of this boy becoming a monk! My elder brother would not eat fish for days, he would sit and meditate while clapping his hands saying 'Haribol Haribol'. What is the nature of a human being! Let him be carried away, let him be carried away, even if he dies, he can bear it; yet when something is gained, life is blessed, even fourteen generations are saved, (our scriptures say that if one son in a family becomes a monk with celibacy, all the ancestors are saved by the virtue of that son); why were housewives afraid of such things? Perhaps they did not have much education at that time, nor did they have the generosity and broadness of mind. Anyway, my grandfather Bipin Bihari Som (he was quite educated, he was a master of a college and his books were taught in schools) went to Dakshineswar. He came and said that Ramakrishna Dev was a very good man, there was nothing to fear. He was not a shaggy, ash-stained monk at all, but a household monk wearing a dhoti, a fatwa, and slippers. The image of his description remains etched in my mind.
Then, my elder brother's marriage was arranged in a hurry. My grandmother was also initiated into my grandfather's mantra. My grandfather used to say, "Learn to worship the Supreme Lord." My grandfather's notebook contained the words of the Supreme Lord, good songs, and the words of the deceased.
I have had a love for literature since my childhood; I have read many texts and non-texts. However, by the grace of God, unreadable books did not leave any mark on my mind; on the contrary, reading good books would instill devotion in my mind. At the age of seven, I read the Ramayana and the Mahabharata with great interest. My mother used to talk about these books in such a way that they became very alive in my childish mind. Once, the story of Shiva's marriage in Annadamangal left such a mark on my mind that many years later, I saw exactly the same picture in the pages of Annadamangal; it is amazing how I had seen that picture in my dream. Everything has been broken and stolen in the cycle of worldly life now. In the house of one of my aunts, a picture of Paramahamsa Dev is lying on the bed, I saw his picture for the first time. My aunt used to tell me various things about Ramakrishna Dev, I liked listening to these very much.
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At the request of one of my uncles, Shashikaka, I had given a few of my writings to Udbodhan (the official Bengali monthly spiritual magazine of the Ramakrishna Math and Mission), and they were printed. Despite all this communication, I was not able to see Paramahamsa Dev or Mother Saradamani.
Then I got married into the Bose family of Bagbazar. A few days later I heard that Paramahamsa Dev would be visiting Dinu Bose's house. I was young at that time and a dwarf, so I could not go there.
My father's house was near Balaram Bose's house. Girish Ghosh Mahasoy was a great friend of my father; he used to come to our house many times and tell us many songs and stories. We used to travel a lot with his house. Girish Babu was very fond of my grandfather. He used to take my grandfather to the theatre too, because my grandfather was a good actor.
My husband, Tarini Charan Basu, used to take the Udbohan newspaper. Yet I never met Paramahamsa Dev. I never met Mother Saradamani either. I used to hear about Sri Ma from many people. My grandfather had great devotion to Sri Ma. Before he died, my grandfather had given some money to my husband to give to Sri Ma on Janmashtami at Shambhunath Pandit Hospital; my mother was at Udhansa at the time; my husband had sent the money there. My grandfather used to tell everyone that he had seen the living God and had his company. At the end, my grandfather breathed his last saying 'Jai Ramakrishna'.
But what will happen to me? Can I meditate on the One who is beyond meditation? Without His grace, there is no way. His mercy is constantly showered upon us, but where is the basis for us to hold on to it? I pray that by His grace, I may be able to remember Him. Now, standing on the brink of death, it is useless to regret, but there is joy in remembering past memories, that is why I have written so much. Jai Ramakrishna Jayati.
"Victory, Mother Ramakrishna, in Sarade."
"I bow down to your lotus feet and keep them in my heart."
Chandranani Bose
